Dreaming Big again!

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I remember the day my friend Megan took this photo of my hands….it was really comedy hour as we are zipping along the road trying to catch the painted sky.  We finally decided it was best to pull over and try again.

My 31st year is coming to a close in just 8 days…..I almost forgot about it, that is how busy I have been the last few weeks.  I never forget my birthday, I love my birthday!  This year, I don’t have any huge plans, there is no planned trip to Portland to celebrate and there is really no urge to. Plus, my knee is not going to let me go out drinking and dancing.

In the past, my birthday was always something to look forward to.  As I thought about it today, I realized that I have had so much to look forward to everyday that I haven’t needed a specific event on the horizon to get me through.  How awesome is that!?

It really has been a great year for me.  I started Grad school and did a lot of personal healing.  I dove into a new business with the drive to make it big!  I have had lots of moments where I was so proud and happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had my ups and downs.  Bravery has been my motto.  It has been hard to admit my faults from my past and learn from them and even harder to move on from them.  I reached a point this past year where I was finally ready to open my heart again to the possibility of meeting someone. Entering the dating world again has been tough.  My self esteem has increased, decreased, increased again, decreased.  UP AND DOWN, like a roller  coaster…..it has been scary.  So scary to open up and let someone in again. I’m staying strong, I still believe that I am a beautiful, confident, adventurous woman.

And now let’s cross off some more from my wish list and add some more!

illustrate childrens’ book ~travel to Paris and sit with Mona Lisa and dream more~move~adopt~live in Italy for a month or 2 or 3 or more~learn how to speak a foreign language~go skydiving~help others dream big~sell my own art work~find my style of art making~love fiercely~be loved fiercely~have children~own a home on a lake~become an illustrator~see my artwork in a magazine~visit Hawaii~visit Australia, Greece, South America, Jamaica, Africa~be sexier~be funnier~win millions and give most of it away but live comfortably~be ready to love again~heal my broken heart~be a lover~become happier~live each day with excitement~laugh more~ laugh everyday~ smile more~ find that energy that wakes me up each day~fix the education system~learn how to scuba dive~learn how to surf~meet Drew Barrymore and become great friends~accept others shortcoming~accept my own flaws~make friends easier~learn how to ballroom dance~become an event planner~truly believe in myself again~become successful with R+F~Backpack the AT~See the Grand Canyon~Run a marathon~

So the ski season has been over for about 2 months for me after I tore my ACL.  I can tell you, it was very very very hard to let these kiddos go with a month left of skiing.  These kids mean so much to me, they are one of my lifelines that keep me going.  They have seen me through the struggle to keep my marriage alive, the realization that it was over and the steps to healing my heart.

Every weekend, I looked forward to skiing with these crazy kids.  I would come up with what I wanted to work on for ski tactics and drills.  Create a fun way to implement it so that these middle school kids didn’t feel like they were actually learning!  From windy days with bitter chill driving us in for breaks that might have lasted too long, to snow ball fights and screaming down Kansas as fast as possible, to laughing so hard at each other…..it has been a blast.

The day that I fell, had been a great day so far.  We were nearing the end of our day at the top of Barker Peak and heading to Ecstasy.  My group was flanking me on both sides and holding poles, when suddenly one of my kiddos ski got caught under mine.  As she pulled her ski away, my left ski was pulled away causing me to fall backward in a wedge.  I twisted my right knee and instantly felt pain.  I was able to use all my core strength to get up with tears in my eyes and ski away.  In the poorest ability, I skied down and finished the day.  Little did I know I would wake up the next morning realizing I couldn’t bear much weight on my right leg.

It ended my ski season with my kids a bit early.  I had to let go of them before I was ready and share them with another coach.  Luckily it was a good friend of mine who has a similar way of coaching and tolerance for the energy my group has.  He filled in nicely, wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.  The sad part for me, was this is/was my last season with this group.  4 seasons together makes it hard to say goodbye.  Next season I get a young, new group.  I look forward to it, but will miss these crazy kiddos that are actually now teenagers!

So I ended up tearing my ACL. I was able to get around on my own with the help of a brace but surgery was pending.  I pushed it off in order to complete all my art show obligations for school.  April Vacation had me in for surgery and home healing for 2 weeks.

I go back to work on Monday…..happy to be back on my own feet again.  I already have been cleared to only use crutches and the immobilizer at school.  I am ahead of physical therapy already and I am driven to keep the momentum going….I want to get some hiking in before the summer is over.  In fact, I already have some hikes in mind……I think it is ok to have some goals!