I have a hard time believing that my luck has finally changed. It is truly harder than anything else I have done. For the last 3 or 4 years I have built a wall around myself and especially my heart to protect it. Honestly….I have opened my heart to new friendships, new challenges and of course loving myself…..but to trust another person with my heart is an entirely new challenge for me.
I wasn’t ready for a long time.
I had to face the challenge of finding myself again first.
There were obstacles, there were moments of frustration, moments of fear and moments when all I wanted to do was escape and hide.
There were moments where my healing process made absolutely no sense to anyone in my life…..I had no plan or method of execution. I just knew I had to shed my old skin and grow into a new one. I did it. I wrote down my wishes, I dreamed big and I opened back up to new possibilities.
And a year ago, I embraced my new self and decided it was time to open my heart back up to someone new. Let me tell you, there was no one worth opening it up to…..it was a long battle and a frustrating search. But now that there is that possibility right in front of me, I am so scared that the ball will drop and I will be hurt again.
Happiness has completely absorbed me. I have been happy with my self but to have someone make me happy again…wow. But I am so anxious that it will disappear. I am so scared to really let myself completely trust that this is ok to wrap myself up in. Fear is not something I have had to deal with in a while and I find it overwhelming.
So today I challenge myself to let go and just let this new feeling of happiness be.
Trust that things work out…….that I finally deserve happy moments with a new person.